It is so much easier to give advice than it is to take it. Practice what you preach, isn’t that what they say? I can’t do it, for whatever reason. I see good in people and try to make them see what they have to offer, I get angry when they can’t see it and frustrated when they get sad about it. But I can’t see the same in myself lately.
I was starting to get better, I firmly believe (in other people mostly, apparently) that God doesn’t make no junk. Why would he have to? He is GOD. He can, and does, make a perfect being in every one of us. We all make bad choices and decisions, but God doesn’t make junk. Every day we have the choice to be what God made us to be, or do choose otherwise. And let’s face it, most days we choose otherwise, but there is nothing BAD about the way we were made. And going off of that, nothing we can do can make God stop loving us, isn’t that what we’ve always heard? Isn’t that what we struggle to believe day after day? But it’s true! As a parent I can totally see it, but as a child of God…I don’t understand. I’m trying, I really am but just when I start to make progress, along comes Satan to throw me off track…
Ever hear a little voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough? Or you shouldn’t bother trying because you’ll probably screw up anyway. Or don’t wear THAT outfit, you’ll look like a wanna be loser. Yeah, that voice. That’s the Devil, and he’s trying to attack you. I let it happen all the time. All. The. Time. And I know better! I tell girls that on a weekly basis!! But I let him win a good portion of the time. I wish I had a super great answer for how NOT to let him win, but I don’t. All I can say is, after this past week of being down and depressed and hating myself and thinking I’m worthless and stupid and a screw up….I’m tired of it. I’m so tired of feeling that way. I feel like a fraud, telling youth kids all the right answsers, and then going home and crying because I have nothing to offer, or so I think. I need to remind myself daily that I am worth something, and to heck with Satan and all of his lies.
I’m not gonna lie, this won’t be easy, but let’s look at this another way. Just picture God, planning creation and thinking “Okay, I’m going to create grass and trees and oceans and flowers and animals and billions and billions of people to inhabit the earth. Oh, and out of those billions and billions of people, i’m going to create one female, just for kicks, who will become a believer in me, and all of my love for people. But, in reality, she will be the ONE person I won’t love or forgive. As a matter of fact I will laugh at her failures and make sure I give Satan free access to her so that she will live her life confused and fearful.” Doesn’t sound like the God we know, does it? When I look at it like that, I feel really quite silly for believing those lies…out of billions and billions, little ol me is the ONE person? Seriously, how arrogant could I be!
So basically my promise to myself is to stop believing the lies – it’s not going to happen overnight, or maybe not even in the next couple of years, but I’m going to try so hard to toss this Devil out of my mind and focus on God and only God. Prayers appreciated, and remember that even if I don’t believe all that I tell you for myself, I would never ever lie and tell you something I don’t believe for YOU.