Chasing the Devil away!

It is so much easier to give advice than it is to take it. Practice what you preach, isn’t that what they say? I can’t do it, for whatever reason. I see good in people and try to make them see what they have to offer, I get angry when they can’t see it and frustrated when they get sad about it. But I can’t see the same in myself lately.

I was starting to get better, I firmly believe (in other people mostly, apparently) that God doesn’t make no junk. Why would he have to? He is GOD. He can, and does, make a perfect being in every one of us. We all make bad choices and decisions, but God doesn’t make junk. Every day we have the choice to be what God made us to be, or do choose otherwise. And let’s face it, most days we choose otherwise, but there is nothing BAD about the way we were made. And going off of that, nothing we can do can make God stop loving us, isn’t that what we’ve always heard? Isn’t that what we struggle to believe day after day? But it’s true! As a parent I can totally see it, but as a child of God…I don’t understand. I’m trying, I really am but just when I start to make progress, along comes Satan to throw me off track…

Ever hear a little voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough? Or you shouldn’t bother trying because you’ll probably screw up anyway. Or don’t wear THAT outfit, you’ll look like a wanna be loser. Yeah, that voice. That’s the Devil, and he’s trying to attack you. I let it happen all the time. All. The. Time. And I know better! I tell girls that on a weekly basis!! But I let him win a good portion of the time. I wish I had a super great answer for how NOT to let him win, but I don’t. All I can say is, after this past week of being down and depressed and hating myself and thinking I’m worthless and stupid and a screw up….I’m tired of it. I’m so tired of feeling that way. I feel like a fraud, telling youth kids all the right answsers, and then going home and crying because I have nothing to offer, or so I think. I need to remind myself daily that I am worth something, and to heck with Satan and all of his lies.

I’m not gonna lie, this won’t be easy, but let’s look at this another way. Just picture God, planning creation and thinking “Okay, I’m going to create grass and trees and oceans and flowers and animals and billions and billions of people to inhabit the earth. Oh, and out of those billions and billions of people, i’m going to create one female, just for kicks, who will become a believer in me, and all of my love for people. But, in reality, she will be the ONE person I won’t love or forgive. As a matter of fact I will laugh at her failures and make sure I give Satan free access to her so that she will live her life confused and fearful.” Doesn’t sound like the God we know, does it? When I look at it like that, I feel really quite silly for believing those lies…out of billions and billions, little ol me is the ONE person? Seriously, how arrogant could I be!

So basically my promise to myself is to stop believing the lies – it’s not going to happen overnight, or maybe not even in the next couple of years, but I’m going to try so hard to toss this Devil out of my mind and focus on God and only God. Prayers appreciated, and remember that even if I don’t believe all that I tell you for myself, I would never ever lie and tell you something I don’t believe for YOU.

Momma D

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Why I am not upset that I didn’t get flowers for Valentines Day

This morning at work, a co-worker asked me what I got for Valentines Day.

“Nothing”, I answered.

“Nothing?”  She replied, shocked.

“Nope, we don’t really do the Valentines Day thing”.

“But…but…No flowers?”

“Nope”

“Candy?”

Pause.  “No.”

“No romantic dinner?”

Hello, is this thing on?  “No, nothing.  Really”

“Well, haha, I bet someone is in trouble today!”  She gives a kind of weird laugh but it seems like she’s almost on the verge of tears.

Now I’m kind of annoyed.  “Well, it’s ok.   We don’t really do Valentines Day, I actually think it’s kind of a silly holiday.  I’d rather not get something at 200% markup or spend hours eating in a restaurant I can eat in tomorrow in half the time for half the price.  So, no, I’m really not upset.  But, hey, are YOU okay?”

Seriously.  I should have made something up to just to make her feel better, but why pretend that I’m a big fan of a holiday that really isn’t a holiday anyway?  Let’s face it, Valentines Day is nothing more than hype made bigger by retailers.  It’s the biggest day of the year for flower shops, restaurants and jewellers, and that’s really about it.  Maybe some people need a specific day once a year to feel loved by their spouse or significant other.  I, personally, do not.  Maybe I’m just lucky.

I saw a bunch of grown men wandering aimlessly around the grocery store at noon on Valentines Day.  I actually felt a bit sorry for them, so lost and scared…reaching blindly for the last few cards on the shelf…desperately searching behind empty chocolate boxes for a possibility…pathetically choosing the least wilted and browned roses from the plastic pots…..Why do we do this to our men??

And for some, VICTORY!!  Some of the men successfully ordered flowers ahead of time or scored a good bouquet from the grocery store and how we gush over our wonderful men!  How wonderful they are and how lucky we are!  Ladies….they made a phone call or stopped at the grocery store – essentially they ordered pizza and picked up a loaf of bread.  Really.  I hate to burst your bubble but that is not what shows love!  It is not what defines our relationships, and how sad it is that we think it does.

Now, here is the biggest reason that I don’t want or need flowers for Valentines Day.  One word, people:  Obligation.  That’s all it is.  Most men buy us flowers and candy and plan suppers for us on Valentines Day because they feel obligated.  If they really felt a burning desire to buy us stuff, they would do it any other day of the year.  I don’t want my guy to buy me stuff because he feels like he has to, I want him to do it because he wants to.  And that doesn’t mean I nag him into wanting to.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my years of being a woman, it’s this:  Men are not like us.  They do not think, feel, act or speak the way we do.  They don’t show love the way we do.  They don’t talk about feelings like we do.  And they never, ever will.  No matter how long you are married/dating, they never will.   If we didn’t remind them of Valentines Day, it would never happen.

How my boyfriend and I show love are completely different.  I am a cuddler, and I show my love by always wanting to hold hands and cuddle.  That’s who I am, that is not who he is.  But he tolerates it – for me.  I have a sneaking suspicion he likes it too, but he is not one to instigate the cuddle very often.  And over time, I’ve gotten to be okay with that too.  It makes it that much more special when he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me for no reason, just because he can.

He shows me he loves me by doing things for me.  Call it Caveman Syndrome if you will.  He shows love by fixing, building or moving something for me.

“Hey hun, I noticed your front step was a bit loose and making some noise.  I tightened it up for you so it should be good now”.  He doesn’t do that because the squeaky step annoys him, he does it because he loves me and wants to take care of me and my stuff.  Every single day, every time he lifts the heavy stuff and fixes the broken stuff, it shows me how much he cares.  If he didn’t care, why would he bother?

So at the end of another Valentines Day, I really am ok with nothing more than a hug and a cuddle.  The best part is, who knows what he will do for me tomorrow, or the next day?  I might come home to a fixed computer keyboard tray.  Or a new light fixture to replace the broken one.  Or maybe nothing, but I know that if something needed fixing, he would take care of it because that’s what he does.  And better than obligatory Valentines Day flowers is having my guy show up at my doorstep on a chilly Thursday in October with a bouquet of grocery store flowers, saying, “I saw these and they kind of reminded me of you.  Oh, and I fixed that squeaky step again”.

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